Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Jul 1, 2025

Mills and Swoon: “The Duke of Dunstable’s Seduction” by Sarnia de la Mare, for Tale Teller Club Publishing



Mills and Swoon: “The Duke of Dunstable’s Seduction” by Sarnia de la Mare, for Tale Teller Club Publishing.

Lady Antonia Bellweather had three secrets, well a lot more than three but I will break readers in gently.

She couldn’t ride side-saddle without swearing.

period drama gent horse corset
Her French maid was actually from Glasgow.

And she’d once had a highly inappropriate dream about the Duke of Dunstable involving marmalade and a velvet chaise. (It was a strange dream that also involved the butler, but luckily, things had become hazy at that point.)

Sadly, the Duke had yet to reciprocate any marmalade-based fantasies, though he did occasionally stare at her bodice as if trying to recall where he’d left his monocle.

Her Ladyship had spent all season attempting to draw more of the Duke's attention. She had even asked assistance of her friends, a lady of ill repute and even her French maid (just in case the things they say about Glaswegian girls was actually true).

The Season was in full swing. Antonia’s dance card was crammed with tedious barons and sweaty viscounts who spoke only of dogs, land, and their mother’s digestion. But the Duke — Augustus Thorne — was different. He smelt faintly of scandal and expensive leather. His wit was as dry as her aunt’s sherry. But, most annoyingly, he refused to flirt back. The Duke was most certainly the most eligible bachelor in London and there was fierce competition from other debutants. Even the odd widow sitting on a huge pile was proving to be a thorn in her Ladyship's silky smooth rump.

Until the day she fell out of a tree.

She’d been retrieving her hat, which had flown off during an extremely fast canter and landed in the crook of a particularly uppity sycamore. Scrambling up in her riding habit (with the kind of agility that would have horrified her governess), she lost her balance — and her dignity — and landed flat on her back in a hay cart. Her skirts had turned themselves inside out and covered her face, completely exposing her new bloomers. (At least they were French and not from Glasgow.)

And who should be there mounted ion his stallion holding a hunting crop with one raised eyebrow?

“Lady Antonia,” said the Duke, with a slow smirk. “Is this a regular occurrence or should I be concerned?”

Her Ladyship peeled the crinolines from her blushing cheeks.

“I assure you, Your Grace,” she gasped, winded and scrambling around to retain some modesty, “I climb trees entirely for sport. And hats.”

He moved his horse closer, his voice sinfully low. “That wasn’t very ladylike.”

"I did it on purpose to get your attention'' she lied.

Then he laughed — that deep, sinful kind of laugh that makes one’s stays feel over-tight — and offered her his hand.

"Your undergarments have my full attention, your Ladyship."




The Duke pulled her towards him and mounted her side saddle on his horse. No swearing this time. His nethers were pulsing.

“I should reprimand you,” he said, squeezing her tightly, “for unseemly behaviour.”

“I dare you,” she whispered.

He clicked his heels and they galloped to the hayloft. Her heart was pounding, a mix of desire and a touch of trepidation that was also, let's face it, exhilarating. The Duke reprimanded her with his manliness. No marmalade was required, and no butler intervened, thankfully.

Three weeks later, the banns were read.

The Duke of Dunstable had finally met his match, a woman who climbed trees, defied etiquette, wore the most lustful knickers in London, and knew exactly how to take a gentle reprimand with the eagerness of a virgin, again and again.




© 2025 Sarnia de la Mare.

A Mills and Swoon Short for Tale Teller Club Publishing.

Plus-One Problems by Mills and Swoon Comedy Romance Short Story

 ðŸ“˜ She needed a fake boyfriend for 48 hours. What she got was robes, rooftop kisses, and something suspiciously close to feelings.


Plus-One Problems by Mills and Swoon

Hen do romance book cover
Lydia March didn’t believe in weddings, commitment, or eating gluten before noon. But she did believe in being a very good friend, which is how she found herself at a country spa hotel in the Cotswolds surrounded by 12 women named things like Ashleigh and Gabs, clutching a Prosecco flute, and pretending not to panic.

“You didn’t bring a plus one?” Gabs asked, faux-concerned, eyelash extensions fluttering like a threatened peacock.

“I did,” Lydia said smoothly, even though she absolutely hadn’t. “He’s just—parking.”

“Oh. He drove you?” Gabs’ tone suggested this was code for something deeply erotic.

“Mmm,” Lydia replied, sipping her drink. “Manual.”

The problem was, this was a lie. A big, juicy one. And now she had roughly twenty minutes to produce a man from thin air, or spend the weekend as that girl—the one still “focusing on her career” while everyone else was comparing ring sizes.

She was mid-strategy (Plan A: fake gastroenteritis, Plan B: fake Buddhism) when the hotel door swung open and salvation walked in wearing motorcycle boots and an expression like he’d rather be hit by traffic.

He was tall. Rugged. Slightly damp. And holding a helmet.

Lydia moved fast.

“Sweetheart!” she called, with confidence born of too many gin tonics and not enough therapy. “There you are.”

He blinked. “I’m sorry?”

She leaned in, touched his arm. “Listen, I’ll explain later, but I need you to be my boyfriend for 48 hours or I’m going to be matched with someone called Callum who runs a beard oil company.”

He paused. Looked her up and down. Nodded once.

“I’m in,” he said. “But I get full spa access.”

He introduced himself as Nico. She had no idea if that was real. She didn’t care. He said things like “Shall we?” and held doors open and made Gabs visibly sweat. It was glorious.

By the time the bridal brunch began, Lydia and Nico had a whole backstory. They’d “met on a train.” He was “in sustainable architecture.” She was “softening.”

They spent the afternoon in matching robes, pretending to argue about houseplants and then accidentally winning the couple’s yoga class with an improvised pose called The Distracted Otter.

In the sauna, he leaned close. “You’re enjoying this.”

She smirked. “Fake love is so much better than the real kind. No heartbreak, no laundry.”

“Plenty of steam, though,” he said, eyes not quite innocent.

That evening, after the hen games (Pin the Tail on the Fireman, emotional damage edition), Lydia found herself in Nico’s suite, half in her dress, half on his lap, all tension.

“Tell me something true,” she whispered, fingers in his hair.

He kissed her like it was his job.

“Okay,” he said against her mouth. “I hate weddings.”

She smiled. “I think I love you.”

“Don’t,” he warned.

“Too late,” she said, and pulled him down with her.

By Sunday afternoon, they were both sunburnt, sore, and suspiciously quiet.

As the girls piled into taxis, Gabs cornered her. “So. Nico. Will we see him again?”

Lydia shrugged. “Maybe. He’s got a thing in Finland. Or Bristol. Or… something.”

Nico walked by, winked, and disappeared behind the check-out desk. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever see him again.

But she’d never look at a spa robe—or a man holding a motorcycle helmet—the same way again.

The End.


Other Short Stories by Sarnia de la Mare







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Dec 4, 2024

Introducing the Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries: A Hilarious Multiverse of Eccentricities #adult #fiction



Introducing the Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries: A Hilarious Multiverse of Eccentricities

Prepare to immerse yourself in a world where 16th-century nobility meets modern Brighton in a delightful clash of grandeur and hilarity. The Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries is now available in a variety of formats to suit every taste, bringing this whimsical comedy to life like never before.
The Diaries: A Story of Flamboyant Chaos

Follow the Countess—a self-proclaimed Z-list celebrity, misunderstood artist, and cultural provocateur—as she navigates life with a mix of vodka-fueled determination and a penchant for mischief. From hosting underground art parties to dodging scandal at every turn, these diaries are a treasure trove of laugh-out-loud escapades.
Now Available Across Platforms

Blog
The Diaries are serialized on a dedicated blog, perfect for readers who prefer bite-sized doses of comedy. Each post is a stand-alone vignette, offering a glimpse into the Countess’s chaotic yet endearing world. Whether she’s grappling with menopausal mishaps or creatively reimagining art installations, her wit will leave you chuckling.


Subscription Channel
Dive deeper into the Countess's universe with exclusive content available through a subscription channel. Subscribers can enjoy behind-the-scenes anecdotes, commentary from the Countess herself, and bonus stories too risqué for the main blog. Think of it as your VIP pass to her palace of eccentricities.


Audiobook Podcast
For fans of storytelling on the go, the Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries is also available as an audiobook podcast. Narrated in her signature melodramatic style, the Countess invites you to hear her tales as she intended—with flair, exaggeration, and the occasional aside about her beloved smelling salts.


Graphic Novel
For those who appreciate visual storytelling, the Diaries have been transformed into a graphic novel. Lavish illustrations capture the Countess's bold style, the quirkiness of her staff, and the absurdity of her misadventures. It’s a feast for the eyes and the funny bone.
What Readers Are Saying

"The Countess is everything I didn’t know I needed—part diva, part disaster, and wholly hilarious!"
"Think Downton Abbey meets Absolutely Fabulous. Pure comedic gold."
"I laughed, I cried, I subscribed. This is my new favorite escape."

Why You'll Love ItLaugh-Out-Loud Comedy: The Countess’s misadventures are a masterclass in humor, blending satire, wit, and a touch of the absurd.
Quirky Characters: From her hapless staff to scandalous suitors, every character is uniquely memorable.
Multiple Formats: Whether you prefer to read, listen, or experience the stories visually, there's a format for you.
Join the Countess’s World Today

Explore the Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries and discover why this lovable aristocrat-turned-modern-day-provocateur is winning hearts everywhere. Visit the blog, subscribe for exclusive content, tune into the podcast, or grab the graphic novel to enjoy her escapades in the format that suits you best.

Life is short—add a little Countess to it!



                                                         Mr Capricious By Tale Teller Club